#1. Being Black

blackpowerIt’s no secret. The most popular conversation among Black People is, of course, what it’s like to be Black in America.

It’s easy to say, “But every group likes to talk about how their culture is the best, by they Jewish, Irish, Hispanic, etc”. However, Black People take it to a whole new level.

When Black People congregate, the only acceptable topic of discussion is the current status of Black People in the world; sports, music, entertainment and (to a far lesser extent) politics. And when in the company of non-Blacks, Black People will do pretty much everything humanly possible to steer the conversation to a Black-themed topic, and make the non-Blacks feels guilty or racist for not switching to the Black-themed topic earlier.

The average Black Person models their entire life around the idea of achieving a totally pure “Black Existence”. Go to a Black Person’s house and chances are you will find a picture of a Black Jesus hanging on the wall or Africa-themed decor (rugs, chairs, artwork, slipcovers, etc). Look at a Black Person’s movie shelf. Chances are you will see DVD copies of “Friday”, “Boyz n the Hood”, “Menace II Society”, “Undercover Brother”, etc. These films remind a Black Person that they are Black and proud of it.

Open a Black Person’s refrigerator. Chances are you won’t find many things classified as “health food”. This is because Black People can only eat foods that are bad for them that will cause high blood pressure, excessive weight gain and diabetes, or in other words “Soul Food”.

Steal a look at a Black Person’s iPod or MP3 player. Chances are you won’t find anything from The Beatles or KISS. Why? Because those bands clearly aren’t Black. A Black Person can only listen to “Black” designated music like Rap, R&B, Reggae or even Jazz (although only if you’re an “Old Head”). For a Black Person to listen to Rock & Roll or Classical music is blasphemous and could result in expulsion from the Black Community.

Posted on August 31, 2009, in Comedy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. I have seen banners proudly stating the business is 100% black owned and operated. Civil Service exams taken by the city’s new police and fire recruits will be graded on a curve in an unprecedented move by officials charged by the federal government to hire more black officers.
    I have been in management meetings where white managers stated that we could not hire the most qualified person we needed to hire the best qualified black person. Change the word from black to white to see if it is racism…..

    I live in a country were a black person can not be charged with a hate crime if the crime was against a white person.

  2. This has got to be one of the most racist and stereotypical posts i have ever read in my life. Black people are not a stereotype. Black people are just that…people. You cannot write a blanket post that’s actually supposed to ‘cover’ the vast majority of black individuals. So sad

  3. Isnt he joking lol. Any idiot who reads this other than for entertainment needs to get a life. And yes white ppl, racism can happen to anyone regardless of color. But when it happens to you, you get all shocked like whaaaat but im white! The insanity! Lol smh.

  4. I absolutely lovvvvve your blog!!! The post are so funny they make me cry. The post are so true but so funny. As a black person I feel like blogs like this will move us from thinking so much about the color of our skin (which holds us back), to functioning as just people who want to thrive, laugh, and live to the fullest. Bravo I’m a follower & I’m inspired.

  5. Aarian Washington

    Man shut the fuck up! Why are people so ignorant?? Im black and I LOVE the beatles and rock and roll as well. Its true that most black people dont litsen … man fuck you, you aint even worth explaining it to

  6. Might I suggest adding a couple new items to your list…
    1) ordering complex and difficult orders at the fast food drive thru

    2) only blacks people are In a hurry is to get in Front of you in line, or when they’re behind you.

    3) cutting in front of the line

    4) walking down the middle of the road

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