Search Results for loud music

#25. Playing Music Really REALLY Loud

cool-speakerJust like how Black People love to be deeply involved in watching movies, they also like to be deeply involved with listening to  music, but in a far more extreme manner than most other groups.

It’s not enough that a Black Person simply listens to their music. No, Black People have to feel their music; they have to live their music. When a Black Person rolls down the street in their Cadillac Escalade with their low quality sub-woofers making the ground vibrate and drowning out all other sound, it is not their intention to annoy you. Black People simply need to feel the music vibrate throughout their entire bodies. Only then can they  achieve a truly “Black” music listening experience.

Even when Black People are listening to music on their iPod or MP3 players, they absolutely cannot listen to their music at anything lower than maximum ear-splitting volume.

Coincidentally, this is also a leading theory as to why Black People tend to talk loud, because listening to loud music through 12 inch sub-woofers and extra loud bass every day has made the Black Community collectively hard of hearing. Scientists have not disproved this theory so it must be 100% correct.

#67. Going To The Club

Find a Black Person. Any Black Person. Between the ages of 21 and 39. Ask them what they are planning to do this weekend.

11 times out of 10 their response will most likely be, “Going to the club.”

Black People love the club. Love it. Love it to death. Why? Because the club is the perfect environment for many of the things Black People dig.

There’s alcohol. There’s dancing. There’s loud talking. There’s loud music. There’s the opportunity to show off their new hair style or expensive tennis shoes. And above all, there’s the distinct possibility of having unprotected sex.

If, for some reason, you are the type of person who wishes to live someplace where there are no Black People, find an area that is far away from the nearest nightclub and move there. You will probably never see any more Black People for the rest of your life. And the ones you do see will be Black People who are too old to go to the club. These types of Black People are also known as “outcasts“.

So now you know.

#36. Cookouts and Barbecuing

cookoutsIt’s fair to say that most people all over the world enjoy cookouts and BBQ, not just Black People.

However, if you’ve ever attended a normal cookout and compared it to a cookout with Black People, you will notice an astronomical difference in mood, atmosphere and especially the food.

You see, for Black People, having a cookout isn’t just a social event with friends and family, it’s a religious experience filled with song, dance, excessive talking and lots of unhealthy food.

While most modern day people like to communicate and socialize about their lives using Twitter and Face Book, Black People like to save the really juicy stuff (i.e. gossip) about their lives, their family’s lives and their friend’s lives for the next big cookout (since most older Black People don’t believe in “putting their information on the Internet” anyway).

This also gives Black People the perfect excuse to talk loud and play loud music as well as the chance to show off the rims on their Cadillac Escalades to distant family members (whose job it will be to purchase a newer Escalade and more expensive rims before the next cookout).

“But isn’t the period between cookouts a very long time?”, you ask? Not when it comes to Black People. As long as it’s not too cold outside (cold weather is like Kryptonite to Black People) then that means it’s time to have a cookout! Drive through a Black Neighborhood during any day of the Spring or Summer and chances are you will smell the sweet scent of BBQ rips cooking on a grill.

Whenever a Black Person moves out of their parent’s home and gets a place of their own, it is a rite of passage into adulthood for most Black People to purchase their first grill to go along with moving into their first house or apartment (even before they’ve paid to have the gas and electric turned on).

#70. Birthday Parties

If there’s one special time of year Black People look forward to more than any other, it’s their birthday. The birthday party itself is the perfect excuse for Black People to do plenty of interesting (i.e. stupid) activities they normally would not do.

“But lots of people like to act a fool on their birthdays” is what you may be thinking. True that, but Black People like to take “acting a fool on their birthday” to a whole new level by having more than a little too much to drink, blasting some tunes, and maybe getting to know someone they just met. Birthday parties are also the perfect way to get lots and lots of attention.

#63. Not Being Haunted By Ghosts

If you visit a Black Person’s house, there are a lot of things you can expect to see. Music CDs. Bootleg DVDs. Hair products. Hot sauce. Malt liquor. Incense. Plenty of interesting things.

But what you will not see is ghosts.

You may not have realized it, but if you are afraid of ghosts you should move in with a Black Person immediately. If your house is haunted and you just can’t bare to part with it, have a Black Person move in with you and you will never experience another haunting ever again. Ever.

But how can this be? What special telekinetic powers do Black People have over apparitions?

No one knows for sure, but popular “reality” TV shows like “Ghost Hunters” and even fictional TV shows like “Supernatural” have facilitated the cold hard fact that Black People are never harassed by ghosts (only people who dress up as ghosts). The only people that see ghosts are Caucasian People, Asian People, and the occasional Hispanic Person. If a Black Person spins you a tale about how they were haunted or saw a ghost, they are clearly just desperate for attention.

However, this does not mean that Black People can not be killed by ghosts. Hollywood has shown us that if a Black Person is best friends with a Caucasian Person who is being haunted by a ghost, they most certainly will not live to see their next birthday. In such cases, the evil ghost opts to skip the haunting and jump straight to brutally killing the Black Person instead.

This all points to one undeniable conclusion. Ghosts are racist.

Complete List of Stuff Black People Dig

#70. Birthday Parties

#69. Threatening To Go Back To Africa

#68. Not Eating Right

#67. Going To The Club

#66. Precious

#65. Loose Clothing

#64. Driving Without Insurance

#63. Not Being Haunted By Ghosts

#62. The Black Taco

#61. The First 7 Minutes of Chasing Amy

#60. Disrespecting Law Enforcement

#59. Warm Weather

#58. Complex Hairstyles

#57. The Idea of Owning a Bentley

#56. Movies Where The Black Guy Gets The Girl, Kills The Bad Guy and Saves The World

#55. Getting Drunk

#54. Not Getting Married

#53. Internet Dating Websites

#52. Hoodies

#51. Not Being Able To Take Criticism

#50. Using The N Word

#49. Discriminating Against Thin Women

#48. Friday

#47. Complicated Handshakes

#46. Going Back To Prison

#45. Getting Out Of Prison

#44. Bingo

#43. Buying Lottery Tickets

#42. Attention

#41. The Idea Of Tiger Woods

#40. Nails

#39. Bald Heads

#38. Tyler Perry

#37. Having Indian In Their Family

#36. Cookouts and Barbecuing

#35. Having Rhythm

#34. Supporting Stupid Black People

#33. Oodles of Noodles

#32. Kung Fu Movies

#31. Rims

#30. Frying

#29. Scarface

#28. Spanking Their Children and Not Apologizing For It

#27. Refering To Celebrities By Their First Names

#26. Wearing Hats Crooked

#25. Playing Music Really REALLY Loud

#24. Discriminating Against Interracial Couples

#23. Big Face Watches

#22. Not Tipping

#21. Lotion and Chapstick

#20. Puffy Coats

#19 Fiction Books About Sex and Infidelity

#18. Talking During The Movie

#17. Obamawear

#16. Being Good At Running

#15. Being Openly Racist

#14. Not Using Contraceptives

#13. Making Fun of People Who Own a Prius

#12. Cadillac Escalades

#11. Bringing Up Slavery

#10. Hot Combs

#9. Complaining & Talking Loud

#8. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

#7. Bootleg DVDs

#6. Giving Their Children Made-Up Names That Are Hard to Spell and Pronounce

#5. Eating at Mama’s House

#4. Expensive Tennis Shoes

#3. Incense

#2. Making Fun of Darker Black People

#1. Being Black