Blog Archives

#25. Playing Music Really REALLY Loud

cool-speakerJust like how Black People love to be deeply involved in watching movies, they also like to be deeply involved with listening to  music, but in a far more extreme manner than most other groups.

It’s not enough that a Black Person simply listens to their music. No, Black People have to feel their music; they have to live their music. When a Black Person rolls down the street in their Cadillac Escalade with their low quality sub-woofers making the ground vibrate and drowning out all other sound, it is not their intention to annoy you. Black People simply need to feel the music vibrate throughout their entire bodies. Only then can they  achieve a truly “Black” music listening experience.

Even when Black People are listening to music on their iPod or MP3 players, they absolutely cannot listen to their music at anything lower than maximum ear-splitting volume.

Coincidentally, this is also a leading theory as to why Black People tend to talk loud, because listening to loud music through 12 inch sub-woofers and extra loud bass every day has made the Black Community collectively hard of hearing. Scientists have not disproved this theory so it must be 100% correct.

#18. Talking During The Movie

movietheaterIf you are a Non-Black Person and you are planning to see a film at a movie theater near an “urban” part of town, you should find an open flame and toss your movie tickets into it, because you are not paying to watch a movie, you are paying to listen to Black People provide their own personal audio commentary throughout the entire movie.

As much as Black People love watching bootleg DVDs, sometimes that isn’t enough. Sometimes they want to watch the new Denzel Washington or Tyler Perry movie at the theater, but Black People have become so used to talking during the movie at home that they forget not everyone shares their enthusiasm about how funny that last joke was or about how that murder victim should really find a better place to hide.

What Non-Black People don’t understand is just how passionate and involved Black People are with watching movies (Black People can experience passion up to 13% more than most other groups).

Unlike most Non-Black People that like to experience a movie in silence so that they can better hear the dialog and examine the hidden visual subtext, Black People take their movie watching experience so seriously that they like to pretend that the movie is playing in realtime and that they can change the outcome of the plot if only they yell loud enough at the movie screen.

It is not the intention of Black People to annoy others or disrupt the movie going experience of other people, it’s just that Black People’s intense love for visual storytelling is so strong and intense that it overwhelms them. The same way people yell and cheer and heckle at a baseball, football or basketball game, Black People like to talk during the movie. It’s in their genetic code and cannot be restrained.

However, if you do happen to find yourself in a movie theater where Black People are talking to the movie screen, if you wish to stay on good terms with Black People you should simply just forget about trying to follow the plot of the movie and join in with the Black People. In some cases you may even find it more enjoyable than watching the actual film.