Blog Archives

#33. Oodles of Noodles

ramen-oodles-noodleIf you are not a Black Person but are perhaps a college student without a Trust Fund or Hedge Fund, you may be familiar with an inexpensive food item known as “Ramen Noodles“.

However, calling these noodles by that name around Black People is completely unacceptable and could result in anything from blank stares to a kick in the genitals. If you are around Black People you can only refer to this food item as “Oodles of Noodles”.

Many Black Families live on or below the poverty line and are usually forced to be extremely picky when it comes to buying food that is low cost and relatively tasty. These noodles are the perfect choice for such a narrow criteria.  They are extremely cheap in cost and can be found in virtually any store or gas station.

However, why Black People have taken to calling this item “Oodles of Noodles” instead of That Other Name We Do Not Speak Of is a bit of a mystery and could only be a result of Black People’s inherent sense of creativity that caused them to adopt this alternate name.

If you actually know a Black Person and decide to invite them over to your home and they get hungry, be sure to have a few packages of these noodles around just in case, so no Black Person can resist a free offering of “Oodles of Noodles”. Those who have tried have failed. Miserably.

#32. Kung Fu Movies

enter_the_dragonAlthough Black People are extremely proud of their heritage and work vigorously every day to maintain their Blackness, if a Black Person could not belong to the Black Community they would undoubtedly want to belong to the Asian Community, due in large part to Kung Fu Movies.

Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Jet Li, Chow Yun Fat, Tony Jaa, Michelle Yeoh, John Woo and many others are greatly respected performers in the Black Community due to their great contributions to Asian Cinema. Jim Kelly and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar are highly regarded Black People in the upper echelons of he Black Community (way above Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson) for having worked with Master Lee in Enter The Dragon and Game of Death respectively (Bruce Lee is the only person on Earth Black People will refer to as “master”).

This is the main reason why interracial relationships between Black People and Asian People are permitted within the Black Community, in the hopes that some day one of these unions will produce a new super-kung fu ninja assassin with the moves of Bruce Lee and the rhyme of James Brown.