Blog Archives

#63. Not Being Haunted By Ghosts

If you visit a Black Person’s house, there are a lot of things you can expect to see. Music CDs. Bootleg DVDs. Hair products. Hot sauce. Malt liquor. Incense. Plenty of interesting things.

But what you will not see is ghosts.

You may not have realized it, but if you are afraid of ghosts you should move in with a Black Person immediately. If your house is haunted and you just can’t bare to part with it, have a Black Person move in with you and you will never experience another haunting ever again. Ever.

But how can this be? What special telekinetic powers do Black People have over apparitions?

No one knows for sure, but popular “reality” TV shows like “Ghost Hunters” and even fictional TV shows like “Supernatural” have facilitated the cold hard fact that Black People are never harassed by ghosts (only people who dress up as ghosts). The only people that see ghosts are Caucasian People, Asian People, and the occasional Hispanic Person. If a Black Person spins you a tale about how they were haunted or saw a ghost, they are clearly just desperate for attention.

However, this does not mean that Black People can not be killed by ghosts. Hollywood has shown us that if a Black Person is best friends with a Caucasian Person who is being haunted by a ghost, they most certainly will not live to see their next birthday. In such cases, the evil ghost opts to skip the haunting and jump straight to brutally killing the Black Person instead.

This all points to one undeniable conclusion. Ghosts are racist.

#32. Kung Fu Movies

enter_the_dragonAlthough Black People are extremely proud of their heritage and work vigorously every day to maintain their Blackness, if a Black Person could not belong to the Black Community they would undoubtedly want to belong to the Asian Community, due in large part to Kung Fu Movies.

Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Jet Li, Chow Yun Fat, Tony Jaa, Michelle Yeoh, John Woo and many others are greatly respected performers in the Black Community due to their great contributions to Asian Cinema. Jim Kelly and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar are highly regarded Black People in the upper echelons of he Black Community (way above Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson) for having worked with Master Lee in Enter The Dragon and Game of Death respectively (Bruce Lee is the only person on Earth Black People will refer to as “master”).

This is the main reason why interracial relationships between Black People and Asian People are permitted within the Black Community, in the hopes that some day one of these unions will produce a new super-kung fu ninja assassin with the moves of Bruce Lee and the rhyme of James Brown.