Blog Archives

#18. Talking During The Movie

movietheaterIf you are a Non-Black Person and you are planning to see a film at a movie theater near an “urban” part of town, you should find an open flame and toss your movie tickets into it, because you are not paying to watch a movie, you are paying to listen to Black People provide their own personal audio commentary throughout the entire movie.

As much as Black People love watching bootleg DVDs, sometimes that isn’t enough. Sometimes they want to watch the new Denzel Washington or Tyler Perry movie at the theater, but Black People have become so used to talking during the movie at home that they forget not everyone shares their enthusiasm about how funny that last joke was or about how that murder victim should really find a better place to hide.

What Non-Black People don’t understand is just how passionate and involved Black People are with watching movies (Black People can experience passion up to 13% more than most other groups).

Unlike most Non-Black People that like to experience a movie in silence so that they can better hear the dialog and examine the hidden visual subtext, Black People take their movie watching experience so seriously that they like to pretend that the movie is playing in realtime and that they can change the outcome of the plot if only they yell loud enough at the movie screen.

It is not the intention of Black People to annoy others or disrupt the movie going experience of other people, it’s just that Black People’s intense love for visual storytelling is so strong and intense that it overwhelms them. The same way people yell and cheer and heckle at a baseball, football or basketball game, Black People like to talk during the movie. It’s in their genetic code and cannot be restrained.

However, if you do happen to find yourself in a movie theater where Black People are talking to the movie screen, if you wish to stay on good terms with Black People you should simply just forget about trying to follow the plot of the movie and join in with the Black People. In some cases you may even find it more enjoyable than watching the actual film.

#9. Complaining & Talking Loud

complainingIf you’ve been around Black People for any extended period of time you’d know that Black People like to talk. A lot. Granted, all cultures like to talk, but anything worth doing is worth overdoing to great excess when it comes to Black People.

The vast majority of Black People (approximately 99.999%) strongly believes that their voice is not being heard in the world, so it is no wonder that Black People feel the need to complain more and talk at a higher volume than most other Non-Black People.

Despite the fact that America has elected its first Non-100% Caucasian President, Black People still believe they are being greatly disenfranchised. There is no known cure for this condition. A Black Person could receive $1 million dollars tax free, a mansion, an Escalade with 23 inch rims, and a lifetime supply of fried chicken and still find something wrong with it (“only a million dollars? you couldn’t kick up two or three?”, “this mansion only has two basketball courts!”, “23 inch rims? couldn’t you give me some 25’s?”, “why fried chicken? what, because I’m BLACK?!”)

You must accept the fact that a Black Person (namely the female of the species) will never truly be satisfied. Ever. But you are of course welcome to try.

But going back to Black People feeling like they aren’t being heard, if you find yourself in a cordial conversation with a Black Person and it appears they are yelling at you, please do not be alarmed. They are just making sure that you can hear them loud and clear (unless they are holding a gun, knife, or making violent hand gestures like pointing in an accusatory manner) .