Blog Archives

#67. Going To The Club

Find a Black Person. Any Black Person. Between the ages of 21 and 39. Ask them what they are planning to do this weekend.

11 times out of 10 their response will most likely be, “Going to the club.”

Black People love the club. Love it. Love it to death. Why? Because the club is the perfect environment for many of the things Black People dig.

There’s alcohol. There’s dancing. There’s loud talking. There’s loud music. There’s the opportunity to show off their new hair style or expensive tennis shoes. And above all, there’s the distinct possibility of having unprotected sex.

If, for some reason, you are the type of person who wishes to live someplace where there are no Black People, find an area that is far away from the nearest nightclub and move there. You will probably never see any more Black People for the rest of your life. And the ones you do see will be Black People who are too old to go to the club. These types of Black People are also known as “outcasts“.

So now you know.

#26. Wearing Hats Crooked

crookedhatThere is much speculation as to why Black People, Black Males specifically, choose to wear their hats at an odd angle. Besides the fact that hat tilting is clearly “baller“, it also has a lot to do with Black People’s heightened sense of creativity.

You see, Black People have an overwhelming need to stand out… by imitating other Black People. If one Black Person does something unusual that goes against the established dress code (like wearing their pants hanging off of their rear ends) then it becomes instantly fashionable within the Black Community.

It also has a lot to do with the mating rituals of Black People. The same way a male peacock spreads its feathers to attract a mate, Black Males wear their hats crooked, expensive tennis shoes, and big face watches to let available Black Females know that they are ready to “bone”.

However, because of the increasing rate of biracial babies born every year, research data points to the possibility that hat tilting may actually attract females from other groups as well. There also appears to be a substantial rise in Non-Black People that choose to imitate this practice known as “wiggers“, but their ability to attract Black Females with this practice has been sketchy at best.

#14. Not Using Contraceptives

no_trojanAccording to the US Census Bureau, Black People make up approximately 13.5% of the population in the United States as of 2007. However, when’s the last time you saw a Black Female over the age of 19 that didn’t already have at least one kid?

It is truly amazing how the rate of teen pregnancy in the Black Community continues to skyrocket while the number of Black People in the United States stays exactly the same (but since when have Black People been known to take the census anyway?)

The vast majority of Young Black People attend public schools and, thanks to Christian Groups, the inclusion of comprehensive Sexual Education classes in the school curriculum has been expressly forbidden. This, combined with the fact that Black People have a libido 14 times stronger than most other groups of people and need to “bone” all the time, usually results in a plethora of pregnant Black teenagers.

However, there is a small but growing group of Young Black People that are trying to use contraceptives to prevent unwanted teen pregnancy, but as stated, the Black Libido is so powerful it can cut right through condoms and diaphragms like butter.

Also, there are rumors  floating around about a secret plan by the Black Community to overpopulate the United States with fatherless Black Children, but the plan has been constantly derailed by Stupid Black People who continue to get themselves arrested, killed, or get other Black People arrested and killed.