Blog Archives

#8. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

gta_san_andreasIf you didn’t know it already, Black People love to play video games. When not buying expensive tennis shoes, bootleg DVDs, rims or loose clothing, a Black Person can spend a frightening amount of money on video games and an even more frightening amount of time playing them. Go to a Black Person’s house and chances are they will have a copy of the following games: “Madden” and “Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas”.

But why are Black People so in love with this particular video game? Sure, it has decent graphics for its platform, fantastic gameplay and a well-written story line, but that’s not what Black People love most about the game. That would be the fact that a Black Person is the main character.

Carl “CJ” Johnson comes from a family of gang members and must return to his old neighborhood (or “hood”) to solve his mother’s murder. This could’ve easily become a Caucasian Person’s story, but the game developers chose to base the game on the civil unrest in the Black Community in the early 90’s and popular Black movies like “Boyz n the Hood” and “Menace II Society”. Could Black People ask for anything better? (sure they could, but let’ save that for another post)

Because Black People routinely feel they are neglected and marginalized by Hollywood due to the serious lack of new and young Black talent to be offered leading roles in movies on par with Shia Labeouf and Channing Tatum, Black People will cling desperately to any type of story that features a Black Person or a group of Black People are the central characters (hence the success of Tyler Perry).

If you every attempt to make friends with a Black Person and don’t know what to say, just mention how much you love Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and how compelling you found the story line and how you wish you were just like CJ. Black People will give you a head-nod, which means you are not a racist.

#7. Bootleg DVDs

bootlegdvdsThis may come as a total surprise (especially if you are a Hollywood studio executive), but Black People love movies. Next to sports, watching movies is one of Black People’s favorite pastimes. However, with rising gas and ticket prices, your average Black Person can’t always make it out to the theater (even if the gas and ticket prices were low they still probably wouldn’t go).

That’s where bootleg DVDs find their niche. Ask your local bootleg what kind of people make up the majority of his clientele and chances are he will undoubtedly say “Black People”.

Black People will always prefer to watch a movie in the comfort of their own home where they don’t have to pay outrageous concession stand prices for food and don’t have to put up with annoying or stuck-up people (who aren’t Black) that can’t handle a little chatter or louder than usual laughter during the movie.

This activity also segues into another popular topic among Black People, which is where to purchase the best bootlegs. Black People can and will talk at length about where to find the newest and clearest bootlegs before the movie itself is even hits wide-release. The one Black Person who can pull off such a feat will automatically be envied by all the other Black People they know.