Blog Archives

#64. Driving Without Insurance

geico-geckoWhen you purchase a car, the first thing you should buy next is car insurance. Unless, of course, you are a Black Person.

You see, despite the fact that the Black Community is likely to be pulled over far more often than most other groups, Black People still like to believe that they are lucky. And lucky people don’t get into car accidents. So why buy insurance? Or stay at home just because your license is suspended? But these are only small symptoms to a much larger problem.

Black People do not like to allocate money to things they actually need. Car insurance. Health insurance. Social Security. If it doesn’t have wheels, a remote, a controller, can’t be worn or eaten or isn’t made out of gold, chances are a Black Person isn’t interested in spending money on it.

#57. The Idea of Owning a Bentley

Bentley_ContinentalNext to the Cadillac Escalade, the most desired car that Black People would like to own is the British manufactured Bentley.

The problem is that a Bentley, even a used one, is liable to be out of the average Black Person’s price range. That and the fact that most Black People know that a Bentley parked in an urban neighborhood for too long is a Bentley that wants to be stolen.

So most Black People who do not have corporate sponsorship, a record deal or a Hollywood movie contract must relegate themselves to only dreaming about owning a Bentley. But what makes owning a Bentley so much more attractive to Black People than, say, owning an Aston Martin or a Ferrari? The answers may confuse you.

Long story short, owning a Bentley is the absolute epitome of being “baller“. A Black Person can simply not get any more baller than driving down the road in a Bentley sitting on 23 inch rims. This is not to say that owning an Aston Martin or Ferrari isn’t also baller, but a secret panel of Black People that were all recognized as being baller held a vote to determine which automobile was the most baller and the Bentley won out (the Rolls Royce came in second).

#31. Rims

rimsPerhaps one of the most detrimental and insidious things ever created with the sole purpose of bringing down the Black Community and keeping it down is the creation of the “rim”.

For some strange reason that has yet to be explained with any sense of logic or reason, having expensive rims on your vehicle has become a status symbol within the Black Community (especially if they are on a Cadillac Escalade).

However, rims are really nothing more than expensive tennis shoes for cars, “chrome” being the preferred variety. With the exception of a drug habit or trying to make bail, nothing can eat up a Black Person’s money more efficiently than a set pf 23 inch chrome rims (which can sell for close to $3,000 and in some cases more!).

But for those in the Black Community that cannot afford them or are unwilling to pay such outrageous prices for them (which are few and far between), some Black People have turned to theft and, in some cases, homicide. This is why rims are so dangerous to Black People everywhere.

Most people commit crimes in which they can profit financially from, but rims are rarely stolen for profit (it would be like a Caucasian Person killing another Caucasian Person over a Toyota Prius).

There is no known way for a Black Person to resist the allure of expensive rims. Even educated Black People who have studied at the most prestigious schools and colleges in the world cannot seem to avoid the attraction of cruising down the street while sitting on chrome 23’s.

Like AIDS and Cancer, scientists are working day and night to find a cure to this affliction, but as long as cars have wheels Black People will have no choice but to put rims on them.