Blog Archives

#65. Loose Clothing

During slavery, Black People were provided tattered clothing devoid of style or originality (how they survived without expensive tennis shoes back then is anyone’s guess).

And so, now that Black People have their freedom, some naturally want to go right back to the way things used to be. Are you confused? Well, you should be.

When Black People wear tight or form-fitting clothing, they are immediately reminded of their ancestors being chained up and shuttled across the ocean to the Americas in the cramped hulls of slave ships. This can cause some Black People to immediately lose consciousness or break out in hives. The only solution is to wear loose clothing, as not to feel trapped or caged.

Of course, the downside is that this form of fashion makes some Black People look ridiculous.

But similar to how Black People like to be creative in styling their hair and naming their children, they also like to wear their clothes in creative ways. A huge part of Black Culture is about being different (from Caucasian People).

There are certain conditions in which Black People that love loose clothing will give it up for proper clothing…

Actually, no, there’s not. It will never change.

#17. Obamawear

obamawearIt goes without saying that Black People love the new president (did you know he’s Black?). But it’s the intensity in which Black People love the new president that is most telling.

It is common knowledge that Black People can love things up to 9% more than most other groups of people, so it’s no wonder that Black People choose to express their love for the new president in the most sacred way possible: clothing.

The same way certain Caucasian People like to advertise their political views in the form of bumper stickers on their pickup trucks, Black People like to wear theirs in the form of a walking talking human billboard. Shirts, caps, wristbands, you name it. If you were to pick a random Black Person off the street and take a look into their closet you would most certainly find at least one item of clothing with the new president’s name or face on it.

Black People have a spiritual connection with the clothing they choose to wear. What a Black Person wears in public can tell you everything you need to know about that particular Black Person. So when they choose to advertise the newly elected president by wearing his name or likeness, they are letting everyone know they are Black, will never vote Republican, and are in love with the fact that the new president is a Black Person like them, and “that’s what’s up“.