Blog Archives

#59. Warm Weather

warm_tropical_weatherBlack People and chilly weather are not best friends. They are not even on speaking terms. If you’ve ever met someone who has hiked up a snowy mountain like Mount Everest or K2, chances are they were not a Black Person. This is because Black People do not hike up snowy mountains (or any mountain, for that matter) in addition to having an aversion to the cold.

Black People are a tropical people. Dark skin does not absorb light and heat as easily as pale skin, so most Black People can only be truly comfortable while operating in warm temperatures.

This, of course, is the sole reason why Black People have not yet been able to conquer the NHL. The Black Community has been lobbying for years to get central heating installed in all hockey rinks for just this reason, but have yet to be successful.

If you have invited a Black Person to your home and they refuse to leave, just turn the heat off. If it is summer time, use a fire extinguisher. Chilly temperatures are like kryptonite to Black People. The only exceptions to this rule is in relation to beer and ice cream, and even those can be risky (brain freeze has been known to cause fatalities in Black People on more than one occasion).

#20. Puffy Coats

puffycoatIf you are a Non-Black Person, seeing Black People in the snowy winter months must seem very strange to you. While you are still wearing shorts and sandals, Black People are wearing thick winter clothing and freezing their butts off. What’s the deal?

This, of course, can be traced back to slavery.

You see, Black People are a tropical group by nature. Dark skin can not absorb heat from the sun as easily as pale skin can. The downside is that Black People tend to feel 37% colder during the winter months than Non-Black People, which means they need extra thick clothing to keep warm, i.e. puffy coats.

Sure, Black People could wear reasonably-sized coats and still keep warm, but what you must understand is that when it comes to Black People, anything that’s worth doing is worth overdoing in the never ending quest to be “baller“.