Blog Archives

#11. Bringing Up Slavery

rootsIf you are not a Black Person then you cannot possibly imagine what it feels like to know that your ancestors were snatched from their homeland, shipped overseas to another continent in chains like cattle and forced to work long hard hours year round with no pay, no days off, and no civil rights. That’s why Black People will go out of their way to remind you of this every chance they get.

Black People have a very long memory and have absolutely no qualms about bringing up the topic of slavery when it may benefit them (and even when it may not… especially when it may not).

Every problem that exists within the Black Community can be traced back to slavery (aka “racism”). Despite the fact that slavery ended over 140 years ago, many Black People can still feel what it was like to be a slave and believe that Caucasian People owe them something for the atrocities carried out by their ancestors (at least Native Americans got casinos, didn’t they?)

Despite the fact that nearly every Caucasian Person alive has never legally owned a slave before, Black People know in their hearts that, if slavery were brought back, Caucasian People would rejoice in the streets and would throw a huge “Slavery’s Back!” party complete with free booze, confetti and Macy’s Day Parade floats.

The only way for Black People to make sure that this never ever happens is to insure that Caucasian People feel guilty about slavery at all timesĀ  and to never, ever let them for get it.

#9. Complaining & Talking Loud

complainingIf you’ve been around Black People for any extended period of time you’d know that Black People like to talk. A lot. Granted, all cultures like to talk, but anything worth doing is worth overdoing to great excess when it comes to Black People.

The vast majority of Black People (approximately 99.999%) strongly believes that their voice is not being heard in the world, so it is no wonder that Black People feel the need to complain more and talk at a higher volume than most other Non-Black People.

Despite the fact that America has elected its first Non-100% Caucasian President, Black People still believe they are being greatly disenfranchised. There is no known cure for this condition. A Black Person could receive $1 million dollars tax free, a mansion, an Escalade with 23 inch rims, and a lifetime supply of fried chicken and still find something wrong with it (“only a million dollars? you couldn’t kick up two or three?”, “this mansion only has two basketball courts!”, “23 inch rims? couldn’t you give me some 25’s?”, “why fried chicken? what, because I’m BLACK?!”)

You must accept the fact that a Black Person (namely the female of the species) will never truly be satisfied. Ever. But you are of course welcome to try.

But going back to Black People feeling like they aren’t being heard, if you find yourself in a cordial conversation with a Black Person and it appears they are yelling at you, please do not be alarmed. They are just making sure that you can hear them loud and clear (unless they are holding a gun, knife, or making violent hand gestures like pointing in an accusatory manner) .