Blog Archives

#58. Complex Hairstyles

black_hair_styleTo say that a Black Females obsess over their hair is like saying that a plane needs wings to fly; a huge understatement.

Granted, all women of all cultures obsess over their hair in some capacity, but the story behind the hair of Black Females is perhaps one of the biggest taboos in the entire history of biggest taboos. The tabooiest, even.

Hair is seen as a clear and obvious symbol of health, fertility and attraction across virtually all cultures. But unfortunately, western cultures tend to equate long, straight and preferably blonde hair as being the epitome of beauty on a woman.

However, since Black Females do not fit this image with their typically dark kinky hair, this has forced Black Females to simply use their inherent sense of creativity to one-up other Non-Black Females that were born with hair that is easier to manage.

Similar to peacocking, some Black Females like to wear large Macy’s Day Parade float type hairstyles to attract the attention of a potential mate. The more intricate and colorful the hairstyle the more likely it will catch the attention of a virile Black Male that drives a Cadillac Escalade with expensive rims.

If a Black Male could find a way to wear a pair of expensive tennis shoes on his head, it would probably still not be as loud and outrageous as the hairstyles that some Black Females choose to wear in public.

If you encounter a Black Female with such a hairstyle, be sure to compliment her on it. Refusing to do so will be seen as a major sign of disrespect and will only lead to gun violence (physical violence could seriously damage said Black Female’s hair), so be sure to have a pitcher of water handy and, if you feel your life is in danger, threaten to pour it on her hair. If that does not deter the situation you may want to call your local Black representative for further assistance.

#31. Rims

rimsPerhaps one of the most detrimental and insidious things ever created with the sole purpose of bringing down the Black Community and keeping it down is the creation of the “rim”.

For some strange reason that has yet to be explained with any sense of logic or reason, having expensive rims on your vehicle has become a status symbol within the Black Community (especially if they are on a Cadillac Escalade).

However, rims are really nothing more than expensive tennis shoes for cars, “chrome” being the preferred variety. With the exception of a drug habit or trying to make bail, nothing can eat up a Black Person’s money more efficiently than a set pf 23 inch chrome rims (which can sell for close to $3,000 and in some cases more!).

But for those in the Black Community that cannot afford them or are unwilling to pay such outrageous prices for them (which are few and far between), some Black People have turned to theft and, in some cases, homicide. This is why rims are so dangerous to Black People everywhere.

Most people commit crimes in which they can profit financially from, but rims are rarely stolen for profit (it would be like a Caucasian Person killing another Caucasian Person over a Toyota Prius).

There is no known way for a Black Person to resist the allure of expensive rims. Even educated Black People who have studied at the most prestigious schools and colleges in the world cannot seem to avoid the attraction of cruising down the street while sitting on chrome 23’s.

Like AIDS and Cancer, scientists are working day and night to find a cure to this affliction, but as long as cars have wheels Black People will have no choice but to put rims on them.