Blog Archives

#54. Not Getting Married

wedding-ringWhen it comes to the subject of marriage, Black People have a very unique story to tell.

During slavery, when a Black Couple wanted to get married they were out of luck because it was illegal for slaves to marry, so the ritual of “jumping the broom” was invented as a symbolic gesture (it is assumed the game of limbo was created when a large number of slaves got divorced).

There are 40.9 million Black People in America. More than 1 million Black Males are incarcerated and are thus out of the dating pool, while educated Black Females seem to be putting their education and careers first, as well as refusing to date outside of their race. What’s the deal with Black People and marriage?

Well, the most obvious reasons why Black People don’t dig getting married is judgment and responsibility.

Black People, usually Black Females, have extremely poor judgment when it comes to choosing a spouse, hence why the term “baby mama” has become so popular. Black Females are also 10 times more likely to be romanced by a “thug” or “baller” with no apparent future or prospects who very clearly has no intention of ever getting married or taking responsibility for any children born out of wedlock.

Also Black People, usually Black Males, have suffered a habitual problem with not taking responsibility for the children they father and have instead opted to have children by multiple women instead or, in other words, have endorsed polygamy (minus the marriage part). Many Black Males have been raised exclusively by their mothers and have no real concept of what a father is and are doomed to follow that terrible example.

However, there are solutions that can improve the rate of marriage among Black People, but they seem to rest almost exclusively in the hands of Black Females. Black Males are still males, after all, and it is nearly impossible for them to change their ways short of mind control.

The easiest solution would be for Black Females, namely the educated ones, to open themselves up to pursuing romantic relationships with Non-Black People, but since that has very little chance of actually happening, Black Females could resign themselves to remaining celibate until their wedding night. But since that also has almost zero chance of ever happening, the only solution left would be for The President to issue an executive order for more Black People to marry each other.

Sadly, that probably wouldn’t work either. The search for more realistic solutions to get a Black Person to marry another Black Person is still ongoing.

#32. Kung Fu Movies

enter_the_dragonAlthough Black People are extremely proud of their heritage and work vigorously every day to maintain their Blackness, if a Black Person could not belong to the Black Community they would undoubtedly want to belong to the Asian Community, due in large part to Kung Fu Movies.

Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Jet Li, Chow Yun Fat, Tony Jaa, Michelle Yeoh, John Woo and many others are greatly respected performers in the Black Community due to their great contributions to Asian Cinema. Jim Kelly and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar are highly regarded Black People in the upper echelons of he Black Community (way above Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson) for having worked with Master Lee in Enter The Dragon and Game of Death respectively (Bruce Lee is the only person on Earth Black People will refer to as “master”).

This is the main reason why interracial relationships between Black People and Asian People are permitted within the Black Community, in the hopes that some day one of these unions will produce a new super-kung fu ninja assassin with the moves of Bruce Lee and the rhyme of James Brown.

#24. Discriminating Against Interracial Couples

heidi-sealDespite the fact that virtually all Black People in America have ancestors that are not Black (i.e. slavery), and despite the fact that many famous personalities that are popular with Black People come from an interracial background (Halle Berry, Tiger Woods, The Rock, Vin Diesel, The President), the sight of a Black Person in an intimate embrace with someone that is not Black still sends a cold chill up a Black Person’s spine. But why? The answer is more complex than you might think.

Black Hate towards interracial couples is perhaps one of, if not the biggest controversy in the Black Community, but it is not without nuance. Black People are permitted to have intimate contact with the following Non-Black groups: Asian People, Spanish/Mexican People, Samoan People, Indian People, Native American People, dark-skinned Italian People, Aboriginal People and Jewish People with extremely curly hair.

Black People are not permitted to have intimate contact with the following Non-Black groups: Caucasian People.

The most despised combination is of course the Black Male and the Caucasian Female, even if it’s only in a fiction sense (just as Wesley Snipes). Because of the large number of incarcerated Black Males in America (over 1 million), the ratio of available Black Females to Black Males can be as high as 7 to 1 in some cases. And since the vast majority of Black Females can not possibly imagine living their lives without a Black Male to complain to their girlfriends about, many Black Females see interracial couples as threatening their personal happiness (even if the Black Female in question is already in a long-term relationship).

That and the Black Community’s ongoing resentment towards Caucasian People over slavery. Jewish People didn’t stop being intimate with Caucasian People after the holocaust, but Black People seem hellbent on limiting their romantic options and choosing to be alone rather than embrace Caucasian People as possible life partners. But Black People’s overwhelming propensity for “boning” will ultimately make this form of discrimination obsolete.