Blog Archives

#35. Having Rhythm

dancing_smithThere is a very common stereotype that all Black People know how to dance. Not only is this 100% true, but this is a stereotype that Black People actually take great pride in.

One of the main reasons why Black People have rhythm is because they are born with it and have a genetically advanced sense of bodily coordination (Black People can have anywhere from four to six times the coordination of most other groups).

This also explains why Black People prefer rap and hip hop and don’t listen to rock & roll, heavy metal or classical music. They simply can’t dance to it, rock & roll and heavy metal especially, which just sounds like a bunch of noise and yelling to most Black People (no Black Person alive could possible perform The Electric Slide while listening to KISS or GWAR).

But this not to say that Non-Black People can’t have rhythm. Hispanics and most South Americans can have up to five units of coordination which allows them to perform dances like Salsa and Flamenco. Asian People and Caucasian People, however, can never perform more than three units of coordination at a given time.

If by some chance you have gone to a nightclub and have witnessed a Caucasian Person performing complex dance moves, chances are this particular person has spent their entire life and the majority of their family’s fortune being trained to dance by Black People (it is impossible for a Caucasian People to obtain rhythm by any other means).

#1. Being Black

blackpowerIt’s no secret. The most popular conversation among Black People is, of course, what it’s like to be Black in America.

It’s easy to say, “But every group likes to talk about how their culture is the best, by they Jewish, Irish, Hispanic, etc”. However, Black People take it to a whole new level.

When Black People congregate, the only acceptable topic of discussion is the current status of Black People in the world; sports, music, entertainment and (to a far lesser extent) politics. And when in the company of non-Blacks, Black People will do pretty much everything humanly possible to steer the conversation to a Black-themed topic, and make the non-Blacks feels guilty or racist for not switching to the Black-themed topic earlier.

The average Black Person models their entire life around the idea of achieving a totally pure “Black Existence”. Go to a Black Person’s house and chances are you will find a picture of a Black Jesus hanging on the wall or Africa-themed decor (rugs, chairs, artwork, slipcovers, etc). Look at a Black Person’s movie shelf. Chances are you will see DVD copies of “Friday”, “Boyz n the Hood”, “Menace II Society”, “Undercover Brother”, etc. These films remind a Black Person that they are Black and proud of it.

Open a Black Person’s refrigerator. Chances are you won’t find many things classified as “health food”. This is because Black People can only eat foods that are bad for them that will cause high blood pressure, excessive weight gain and diabetes, or in other words “Soul Food”.

Steal a look at a Black Person’s iPod or MP3 player. Chances are you won’t find anything from The Beatles or KISS. Why? Because those bands clearly aren’t Black. A Black Person can only listen to “Black” designated music like Rap, R&B, Reggae or even Jazz (although only if you’re an “Old Head”). For a Black Person to listen to Rock & Roll or Classical music is blasphemous and could result in expulsion from the Black Community.