Blog Archives

#44. Bingo

bingoRight next to playing the lottery, the Black Community’s favorite method of gambling away all their hard earned money has to be, without a doubt, playing bingo. However, unlike playing the lottery, a Black Person actually has a chance of winning money playing bingo.

Although low math scores have been reported in the Black Community throughout the country, put a bingo card in front of a Black Person and they will be able to work the numbers on that bingo card like a complex math equation.

This seems especially true when it comes to Old Black People, who may be partially blind or hard of hearing but can play a seemingly infinite number of bingo cards at one time and never lose track or miss a number (but still not be able to get a bingo).

Playing bingo has even become a family activity for some Black People (most notably Black Females) who like to congregate in smoky bingo parlors and lose their hard earned money together (but if one wins, the winner has to pay the others a “family tax”).

If you are a Non-Black Male who is interested in approaching a Black Female romantically, buy her a bag of bingo markers and perhaps a troll doll for good luck as a present (although be sure to deliver this gift while in a Cadillac Escalade sitting on chrome rims for best results).

#43. Buying Lottery Tickets

large_powerball_ticketLots of people like to gamble every now and then, but Black People prefer to game when they know they have absolutely no chance of wining. A great example is the money-wasting schemeĀ  known as playing the lottery.

The lottery is purposefully rigged to prevent Black People from winning with any frequency. Everyone knows this, except Black People. Only accidentally are Black People allowed to win large amounts of money such as when South Carolina resident Solomon Jackson Jr, Black Person, won the $260 million dollar Powerball in August 2009.

Unfortunately, this will only fuel even more Black People to spend their hard earned money on worthless lottery tickets and will offset Mr. Jackson’s winnings ten fold. Lottery tickets and scratch & win cards have been siphoning money from the Black Community with (mostly) false hopes of hitting it big. This is yet another cruel invention designed to take money from the Black People that’s almost as bad as buying rims.

#22. Not Tipping

no_tipWhy don’t Black People like to tip? Well, there’s a popular joke that goes, “Why should you paint a canoe Black? Because then it won’t tip.” Truer words have never been spoken.

There are nearly 40 million Black People in the United States, and maybe twenty or so have ever left a tip for a waiter or waitress in their entire life. But why? Why do Black People refuse to leave a little extra money for people that survive on tips? The answers may surprise you.

The first reason is because of the movie Reservoir Dogs. Black People love Quentin Tarantino movies (especially Pulp Fiction) and watch them religiously, so it’s no wonder that Black People don’t tip because every single living Black Person has seen Reservoir Dogs and agrees 100% with Steve Buscemi’s monologue at the beginning of the film.

The other reason is that if Black People left tips all the time, they wouldn’t have enough money left over to buy expensive tennis shoes, Cadillac Escalades, rims and bootleg DVDs.

There is an ongoing myth that all Black People are either living off of welfare, have record deals, or have a multi-million dollar contract with an athletic sports team. As much as Black People wish this were true, it just isn’t. Most Black People come from lower-middle class incomes and can barely pay the rent, so they horde every penny they can and do not endorse “giving away free money”.

So if you are a waiter or waitress and wonder why Black People don’t tip, blame Quentin Tarantino and gentrification. It’s all their fault.