Blog Archives

#67. Going To The Club

Find a Black Person. Any Black Person. Between the ages of 21 and 39. Ask them what they are planning to do this weekend.

11 times out of 10 their response will most likely be, “Going to the club.”

Black People love the club. Love it. Love it to death. Why? Because the club is the perfect environment for many of the things Black People dig.

There’s alcohol. There’s dancing. There’s loud talking. There’s loud music. There’s the opportunity to show off their new hair style or expensive tennis shoes. And above all, there’s the distinct possibility of having unprotected sex.

If, for some reason, you are the type of person who wishes to live someplace where there are no Black People, find an area that is far away from the nearest nightclub and move there. You will probably never see any more Black People for the rest of your life. And the ones you do see will be Black People who are too old to go to the club. These types of Black People are also known as “outcasts“.

So now you know.

#35. Having Rhythm

dancing_smithThere is a very common stereotype that all Black People know how to dance. Not only is this 100% true, but this is a stereotype that Black People actually take great pride in.

One of the main reasons why Black People have rhythm is because they are born with it and have a genetically advanced sense of bodily coordination (Black People can have anywhere from four to six times the coordination of most other groups).

This also explains why Black People prefer rap and hip hop and don’t listen to rock & roll, heavy metal or classical music. They simply can’t dance to it, rock & roll and heavy metal especially, which just sounds like a bunch of noise and yelling to most Black People (no Black Person alive could possible perform The Electric Slide while listening to KISS or GWAR).

But this not to say that Non-Black People can’t have rhythm. Hispanics and most South Americans can have up to five units of coordination which allows them to perform dances like Salsa and Flamenco. Asian People and Caucasian People, however, can never perform more than three units of coordination at a given time.

If by some chance you have gone to a nightclub and have witnessed a Caucasian Person performing complex dance moves, chances are this particular person has spent their entire life and the majority of their family’s fortune being trained to dance by Black People (it is impossible for a Caucasian People to obtain rhythm by any other means).