Blog Archives

#66. Precious

We have already established that Black People love movies and books (especially if they feature other Black People). But what happens when you combine the two?

You get “Precious“.

Why do Black People love Precious so much? “But I thought Black People didn’t like Precious and found the movie’s stereotypes to be terribly offensive and racist?” is what you might be thinking.

And if it is, then you are wrong.

Yes, Precious does feature some pretty racy topics in regards to Black People. Obesity. Rape. Incest. Child abuse. Teen mothers. HIV. Welfare. Poor education. Fried chicken. Pigs feet. Black-eyed peas (not the band).

And that is exactly why the majority of the Black Community cherish the film and book, because it is about and made by/for the Black Community. No way was Angelia Jolie, Jennifer Aniston, or Keira Knightley going to steal the lead role away from a potential Black Actress. So Black People embraced and supported the book and movie.

That and because Oprah said so. When Oprah tells the Black Community to do  something, they must do it. Or else.

#27. Refering To Celebrities By Their First Names

denzelThere is a persistent myth that has been circulating for years that all Black People know each other. That, somehow, the Black Community shares a collective consciousness, a hive mind in which they are all connected and are aware of each other.

This, of course, is 100% true.

The most damming evidence being that Black People refer to other Black People they have never met by their first names. “Denzel”, “Halle”, “Beyoncé”, “Barack”, “Oprah” and  the list goes on.

Black People refer to these famous personalities by their first names because Black People are mentally connected to each other and share each other’s thoughts. This is also why. when a Black Person does something terrible like commit a serious crime, that the entire Black Community is to blame and must take full responsibility for not contacting that particular Black Person with telepathy and telling him or her not to commit the terrible crime.

It is also widely believed that “marijuana” can heighten the telepathic link between large groups of Black People, but the side effects that come with this practice (sleepiness, increased appetite, impaired motor skills) seriously reduces Black People’s ability to harness this superhuman power for good.

However, experiments with marijuana, or “weed“, are still ongoing.