Blog Archives

#35. Having Rhythm

dancing_smithThere is a very common stereotype that all Black People know how to dance. Not only is this 100% true, but this is a stereotype that Black People actually take great pride in.

One of the main reasons why Black People have rhythm is because they are born with it and have a genetically advanced sense of bodily coordination (Black People can have anywhere from four to six times the coordination of most other groups).

This also explains why Black People prefer rap and hip hop and don’t listen to rock & roll, heavy metal or classical music. They simply can’t dance to it, rock & roll and heavy metal especially, which just sounds like a bunch of noise and yelling to most Black People (no Black Person alive could possible perform The Electric Slide while listening to KISS or GWAR).

But this not to say that Non-Black People can’t have rhythm. Hispanics and most South Americans can have up to five units of coordination which allows them to perform dances like Salsa and Flamenco. Asian People and Caucasian People, however, can never perform more than three units of coordination at a given time.

If by some chance you have gone to a nightclub and have witnessed a Caucasian Person performing complex dance moves, chances are this particular person has spent their entire life and the majority of their family’s fortune being trained to dance by Black People (it is impossible for a Caucasian People to obtain rhythm by any other means).

#11. Bringing Up Slavery

rootsIf you are not a Black Person then you cannot possibly imagine what it feels like to know that your ancestors were snatched from their homeland, shipped overseas to another continent in chains like cattle and forced to work long hard hours year round with no pay, no days off, and no civil rights. That’s why Black People will go out of their way to remind you of this every chance they get.

Black People have a very long memory and have absolutely no qualms about bringing up the topic of slavery when it may benefit them (and even when it may not… especially when it may not).

Every problem that exists within the Black Community can be traced back to slavery (aka “racism”). Despite the fact that slavery ended over 140 years ago, many Black People can still feel what it was like to be a slave and believe that Caucasian People owe them something for the atrocities carried out by their ancestors (at least Native Americans got casinos, didn’t they?)

Despite the fact that nearly every Caucasian Person alive has never legally owned a slave before, Black People know in their hearts that, if slavery were brought back, Caucasian People would rejoice in the streets and would throw a huge “Slavery’s Back!” party complete with free booze, confetti and Macy’s Day Parade floats.

The only way for Black People to make sure that this never ever happens is to insure that Caucasian People feel guilty about slavery at all timesĀ  and to never, ever let them for get it.