Blog Archives

#31. Rims

rimsPerhaps one of the most detrimental and insidious things ever created with the sole purpose of bringing down the Black Community and keeping it down is the creation of the “rim”.

For some strange reason that has yet to be explained with any sense of logic or reason, having expensive rims on your vehicle has become a status symbol within the Black Community (especially if they are on a Cadillac Escalade).

However, rims are really nothing more than expensive tennis shoes for cars, “chrome” being the preferred variety. With the exception of a drug habit or trying to make bail, nothing can eat up a Black Person’s money more efficiently than a set pf 23 inch chrome rims (which can sell for close to $3,000 and in some cases more!).

But for those in the Black Community that cannot afford them or are unwilling to pay such outrageous prices for them (which are few and far between), some Black People have turned to theft and, in some cases, homicide. This is why rims are so dangerous to Black People everywhere.

Most people commit crimes in which they can profit financially from, but rims are rarely stolen for profit (it would be like a Caucasian Person killing another Caucasian Person over a Toyota Prius).

There is no known way for a Black Person to resist the allure of expensive rims. Even educated Black People who have studied at the most prestigious schools and colleges in the world cannot seem to avoid the attraction of cruising down the street while sitting on chrome 23’s.

Like AIDS and Cancer, scientists are working day and night to find a cure to this affliction, but as long as cars have wheels Black People will have no choice but to put rims on them.

#13. Making Fun of People Who Own a Prius

priusBlack People hate the Toyota Prius. And they hate the people that drive them even more.

But why? Why must Black People discriminate and make fun of Prius owners? because the Toyota Prius is almost the exact opposite of the Cadillac Escalade; it’s small, quiet, environmentally friendly, and gets great gas millage. But of course, the harsh reality is that the Toyota Prius is simply not “baller“, and Black People can not and will not endorse anything that’s obviously not “baller”.

But if there’s one key reason why Black People hate the Toyota Prius and make fun of the people that own them it’s this: you can’t put 23 inch rims on them! A Black Person can not be expected to like a car they can’t put 23 inch rims on! it’s scandals!

And if you do see a Black Person driving a Prius it’s because the car salesman threatened to kill the Black Person’s family if they didn’t drive the car off the lot at that very moment. There is no other logical explanation. Even if a Black Person were being chased by a mad serial killer and had to choose between making their getaway on foot or in a Prius, the Black Person would choose to run away in their expensive white tennis shoes rather than be seen driving a Prius 100% of the time.

#12. Cadillac Escalades

escaladeThere are many mysteries in the universe. Who really shot JFK? What really happened to Jimmy Hoffa? And why do Black People really love the Cadillac Escalade so much? The answer may surprise you.

“It’s baller“. It’s that simple.

Black People have a high propensity to spend their hard-earned money on stupid and expense things they have no business buying and the Cadillac Escalade is right at the top of the list. Some Black People don’t even know themselves why they would want such a large, overpriced vehicle with extremely poor gas mileage that is liable to bring every car thief within a 20 mile radius out of the woodwork. Common sense should convince Black People to stop buying these vehicles, but everyone knows that common sense and Black People don’t always get along.

The only other explanation must be that Black People secretly enjoy getting pulled over by the police, because that’s exactly what’s in store for any Black Person that plans to drive one of these vehicles down the freeway with 23 inch rims and music blasting. The police don’t even need probable cause anymore, because a Black Person driving a Cadillac Escalade must be up to something.