Blog Archives

#69. Threatening To Go Back To Africa

If you spend enough time around Black People, chances are you will run into one who is so fed up with the many harsh ways they are treated in the United States that they will claim they want to return to Africa.

Well, don’t believe them. Have you actually been to Africa lately? Do you know how much it would cost to ship 24 inch rims to Africa? Or how difficult it is to get your hands on a pair of really expensive tennis shoes or a Cadillac Escalade? Sure, the weather’s warm, but beloved Black activities like owning a puffy coat or bringing up slavery would be pointless.

A Black Person born and raised in the US simply can not function in a place like Africa. Remember that time Michael Jordan went off to play baseball? Same thing. Just a terrible idea all around.

A Black Person who threatens to go back to Africa is just like a Caucasian Person fed up with the US government threatens to move to Canada. They’ll never do. And if they do they’re crazy.

#20. Puffy Coats

puffycoatIf you are a Non-Black Person, seeing Black People in the snowy winter months must seem very strange to you. While you are still wearing shorts and sandals, Black People are wearing thick winter clothing and freezing their butts off. What’s the deal?

This, of course, can be traced back to slavery.

You see, Black People are a tropical group by nature. Dark skin can not absorb heat from the sun as easily as pale skin can. The downside is that Black People tend to feel 37% colder during the winter months than Non-Black People, which means they need extra thick clothing to keep warm, i.e. puffy coats.

Sure, Black People could wear reasonably-sized coats and still keep warm, but what you must understand is that when it comes to Black People, anything that’s worth doing is worth overdoing in the never ending quest to be “baller“.