Blog Archives

#36. Cookouts and Barbecuing

cookoutsIt’s fair to say that most people all over the world enjoy cookouts and BBQ, not just Black People.

However, if you’ve ever attended a normal cookout and compared it to a cookout with Black People, you will notice an astronomical difference in mood, atmosphere and especially the food.

You see, for Black People, having a cookout isn’t just a social event with friends and family, it’s a religious experience filled with song, dance, excessive talking and lots of unhealthy food.

While most modern day people like to communicate and socialize about their lives using Twitter and Face Book, Black People like to save the really juicy stuff (i.e. gossip) about their lives, their family’s lives and their friend’s lives for the next big cookout (since most older Black People don’t believe in “putting their information on the Internet” anyway).

This also gives Black People the perfect excuse to talk loud and play loud music as well as the chance to show off the rims on their Cadillac Escalades to distant family members (whose job it will be to purchase a newer Escalade and more expensive rims before the next cookout).

“But isn’t the period between cookouts a very long time?”, you ask? Not when it comes to Black People. As long as it’s not too cold outside (cold weather is like Kryptonite to Black People) then that means it’s time to have a cookout! Drive through a Black Neighborhood during any day of the Spring or Summer and chances are you will smell the sweet scent of BBQ rips cooking on a grill.

Whenever a Black Person moves out of their parent’s home and gets a place of their own, it is a rite of passage into adulthood for most Black People to purchase their first grill to go along with moving into their first house or apartment (even before they’ve paid to have the gas and electric turned on).

#18. Talking During The Movie

movietheaterIf you are a Non-Black Person and you are planning to see a film at a movie theater near an “urban” part of town, you should find an open flame and toss your movie tickets into it, because you are not paying to watch a movie, you are paying to listen to Black People provide their own personal audio commentary throughout the entire movie.

As much as Black People love watching bootleg DVDs, sometimes that isn’t enough. Sometimes they want to watch the new Denzel Washington or Tyler Perry movie at the theater, but Black People have become so used to talking during the movie at home that they forget not everyone shares their enthusiasm about how funny that last joke was or about how that murder victim should really find a better place to hide.

What Non-Black People don’t understand is just how passionate and involved Black People are with watching movies (Black People can experience passion up to 13% more than most other groups).

Unlike most Non-Black People that like to experience a movie in silence so that they can better hear the dialog and examine the hidden visual subtext, Black People take their movie watching experience so seriously that they like to pretend that the movie is playing in realtime and that they can change the outcome of the plot if only they yell loud enough at the movie screen.

It is not the intention of Black People to annoy others or disrupt the movie going experience of other people, it’s just that Black People’s intense love for visual storytelling is so strong and intense that it overwhelms them. The same way people yell and cheer and heckle at a baseball, football or basketball game, Black People like to talk during the movie. It’s in their genetic code and cannot be restrained.

However, if you do happen to find yourself in a movie theater where Black People are talking to the movie screen, if you wish to stay on good terms with Black People you should simply just forget about trying to follow the plot of the movie and join in with the Black People. In some cases you may even find it more enjoyable than watching the actual film.