Blog Archives

#41. The Idea Of Tiger Woods

tiger-woodsIt is a commonly held truism that Black People never played golf until Tiger Woods, a Black Person, systematically conquered the sport. This is 100% true.

It has long since been a key agenda of the Black Community to be the undisputed champion of every sport ever created in the history of mankind, except of course hockey (Black People despise playing sports in cold temperatures). Ever since Jesse Owens disproved Nazi propaganda that Black People were physically inferior to Aryan People by winning four gold metals at the 1936 Berlin Olympics, the Black Community has made it a top priority to continue to be the best in all physically events if only to annoy Aryan People.

Black People dig the idea of Tiger Woods because he is living breathing proof of something that all Black People believe to be true, that no matter what, a Black Person will always be the best in any physical activity that involves a ball: football, baseball, basketball, tennis, etc (note: hockey has a puck, not a ball). Even though Black People don’t really like to watch or play golf or tennis or soccer that much, they still like to know that if they did ever decide to play it that they would kick serious butt no matter what just because they are a Black Person.

#24. Discriminating Against Interracial Couples

heidi-sealDespite the fact that virtually all Black People in America have ancestors that are not Black (i.e. slavery), and despite the fact that many famous personalities that are popular with Black People come from an interracial background (Halle Berry, Tiger Woods, The Rock, Vin Diesel, The President), the sight of a Black Person in an intimate embrace with someone that is not Black still sends a cold chill up a Black Person’s spine. But why? The answer is more complex than you might think.

Black Hate towards interracial couples is perhaps one of, if not the biggest controversy in the Black Community, but it is not without nuance. Black People are permitted to have intimate contact with the following Non-Black groups: Asian People, Spanish/Mexican People, Samoan People, Indian People, Native American People, dark-skinned Italian People, Aboriginal People and Jewish People with extremely curly hair.

Black People are not permitted to have intimate contact with the following Non-Black groups: Caucasian People.

The most despised combination is of course the Black Male and the Caucasian Female, even if it’s only in a fiction sense (just as Wesley Snipes). Because of the large number of incarcerated Black Males in America (over 1 million), the ratio of available Black Females to Black Males can be as high as 7 to 1 in some cases. And since the vast majority of Black Females can not possibly imagine living their lives without a Black Male to complain to their girlfriends about, many Black Females see interracial couples as threatening their personal happiness (even if the Black Female in question is already in a long-term relationship).

That and the Black Community’s ongoing resentment towards Caucasian People over slavery. Jewish People didn’t stop being intimate with Caucasian People after the holocaust, but Black People seem hellbent on limiting their romantic options and choosing to be alone rather than embrace Caucasian People as possible life partners. But Black People’s overwhelming propensity for “boning” will ultimately make this form of discrimination obsolete.