Blog Archives

#15. Being Openly Racist

openlyracistBecause of slavery, Black People feel a universal sense of entitlement from Caucasian People. Since it looks like Black People will not receive reparations or casinos anytime soon, there’s only one way Black People can get revenge for slavery: being openly racist and knowing they can get away with it.

This puts Caucasian People in a bad spot and builds up further resentment towards Black People, because Black People can be as racist toward Caucasian People as they want knowing full well Caucasian People are restricted from openly stating anything negative about Black People lest they be branded a racist (even if the Black Person in question is a total jerk that has it coming). However, there are three types of Black People when it comes to this issue.

1) Neutral; these tend to be Young Black People who have had good experiences with Caucasian People of a similar age and bear no slavery or civil rights-related malice towards people with pale skin.

2) Closet Racist; these tend to be Black People in their 30’s or 40’s who grew up in the 70’s, 80’s or early 90’s and may have experienced some general racism. They realize not all Caucasian People want to hang them from a tree or drag them from the back of their pickup truck, but that whole slavery thing was just too big to brush off.

3) 100% Racist; these tend to be Older Black People who grew up in the 40’s, 50’s and 60’s who most certainly did experience racism through an attack dog’s bite, the sting of a fire hose, or the pain in the butt from sitting at lunch counters all day. These Black People are usually bitter and unreasonable and will never give Caucasian People (or any Non-Black group for that matter) an inch to save their life.

The legacy that Openly Racist Black People leave on the world is making Caucasian People jealous. Everyone on the planet is prejudice towards some group of people to some degree, but the problem arises when Caucasian People, who have been able to do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted for centuries up till now, are told they can’t talk bad about Black People. This is extremely frustrating to Caucasian People, a frustration that Black People revel in and go to sleep at night with a smile on their face thinking about.

#13. Making Fun of People Who Own a Prius

priusBlack People hate the Toyota Prius. And they hate the people that drive them even more.

But why? Why must Black People discriminate and make fun of Prius owners? because the Toyota Prius is almost the exact opposite of the Cadillac Escalade; it’s small, quiet, environmentally friendly, and gets great gas millage. But of course, the harsh reality is that the Toyota Prius is simply not “baller“, and Black People can not and will not endorse anything that’s obviously not “baller”.

But if there’s one key reason why Black People hate the Toyota Prius and make fun of the people that own them it’s this: you can’t put 23 inch rims on them! A Black Person can not be expected to like a car they can’t put 23 inch rims on! it’s scandals!

And if you do see a Black Person driving a Prius it’s because the car salesman threatened to kill the Black Person’s family if they didn’t drive the car off the lot at that very moment. There is no other logical explanation. Even if a Black Person were being chased by a mad serial killer and had to choose between making their getaway on foot or in a Prius, the Black Person would choose to run away in their expensive white tennis shoes rather than be seen driving a Prius 100% of the time.

#12. Cadillac Escalades

escaladeThere are many mysteries in the universe. Who really shot JFK? What really happened to Jimmy Hoffa? And why do Black People really love the Cadillac Escalade so much? The answer may surprise you.

“It’s baller“. It’s that simple.

Black People have a high propensity to spend their hard-earned money on stupid and expense things they have no business buying and the Cadillac Escalade is right at the top of the list. Some Black People don’t even know themselves why they would want such a large, overpriced vehicle with extremely poor gas mileage that is liable to bring every car thief within a 20 mile radius out of the woodwork. Common sense should convince Black People to stop buying these vehicles, but everyone knows that common sense and Black People don’t always get along.

The only other explanation must be that Black People secretly enjoy getting pulled over by the police, because that’s exactly what’s in store for any Black Person that plans to drive one of these vehicles down the freeway with 23 inch rims and music blasting. The police don’t even need probable cause anymore, because a Black Person driving a Cadillac Escalade must be up to something.

#11. Bringing Up Slavery

rootsIf you are not a Black Person then you cannot possibly imagine what it feels like to know that your ancestors were snatched from their homeland, shipped overseas to another continent in chains like cattle and forced to work long hard hours year round with no pay, no days off, and no civil rights. That’s why Black People will go out of their way to remind you of this every chance they get.

Black People have a very long memory and have absolutely no qualms about bringing up the topic of slavery when it may benefit them (and even when it may not… especially when it may not).

Every problem that exists within the Black Community can be traced back to slavery (aka “racism”). Despite the fact that slavery ended over 140 years ago, many Black People can still feel what it was like to be a slave and believe that Caucasian People owe them something for the atrocities carried out by their ancestors (at least Native Americans got casinos, didn’t they?)

Despite the fact that nearly every Caucasian Person alive has never legally owned a slave before, Black People know in their hearts that, if slavery were brought back, Caucasian People would rejoice in the streets and would throw a huge “Slavery’s Back!” party complete with free booze, confetti and Macy’s Day Parade floats.

The only way for Black People to make sure that this never ever happens is to insure that Caucasian People feel guilty about slavery at all timesĀ  and to never, ever let them for get it.

#1. Being Black

blackpowerIt’s no secret. The most popular conversation among Black People is, of course, what it’s like to be Black in America.

It’s easy to say, “But every group likes to talk about how their culture is the best, by they Jewish, Irish, Hispanic, etc”. However, Black People take it to a whole new level.

When Black People congregate, the only acceptable topic of discussion is the current status of Black People in the world; sports, music, entertainment and (to a far lesser extent) politics. And when in the company of non-Blacks, Black People will do pretty much everything humanly possible to steer the conversation to a Black-themed topic, and make the non-Blacks feels guilty or racist for not switching to the Black-themed topic earlier.

The average Black Person models their entire life around the idea of achieving a totally pure “Black Existence”. Go to a Black Person’s house and chances are you will find a picture of a Black Jesus hanging on the wall or Africa-themed decor (rugs, chairs, artwork, slipcovers, etc). Look at a Black Person’s movie shelf. Chances are you will see DVD copies of “Friday”, “Boyz n the Hood”, “Menace II Society”, “Undercover Brother”, etc. These films remind a Black Person that they are Black and proud of it.

Open a Black Person’s refrigerator. Chances are you won’t find many things classified as “health food”. This is because Black People can only eat foods that are bad for them that will cause high blood pressure, excessive weight gain and diabetes, or in other words “Soul Food”.

Steal a look at a Black Person’s iPod or MP3 player. Chances are you won’t find anything from The Beatles or KISS. Why? Because those bands clearly aren’t Black. A Black Person can only listen to “Black” designated music like Rap, R&B, Reggae or even Jazz (although only if you’re an “Old Head”). For a Black Person to listen to Rock & Roll or Classical music is blasphemous and could result in expulsion from the Black Community.