Blog Archives

#56. Movies Where The Black Guy Gets The Girl, Kills The Bad Guy and Saves The World

id4_independence_dayAs you know by now, Black People love movies. However, movies don’t seem to love Black People very much.

Although Black People can certainly enjoy watching a movie that’s not about Black People (apparently the only movie-going group in America that can do this), Black People also occasionally like to see themselves as the heroes or main characters and not just the best friend or the emasculated sidekick.

Here’s an exercise. Name 5 movies that were financed and produced by a Hollywood studio (i.e. not a Tyler Perry movie) in which a Black Person (or any Non-Caucasian Person for that matter) was the main character, had a romantic subplot that ended happily, defeated the villain and didn’t get dead by the time the credits role…

Can’t think of any, can you?

Whenever this commonly known fact is pointed out some people tend to dismiss it as complaining, but it’s really a symptom of a much larger social problem in American Entertainment. You see, while the majority of Americans are perfectly willing to elect a Black Person as their president, Hollywood is nowhere near as progressive or liberal as some of its detractors have painted it to be.

Hollywood runs on money. Every Hollywood movie and every decision that went into making was based on the intent of trying to make as much money as possible. Since Black People make up on 13.4% of the American population, they are still too small of a group for Hollywood to care about. And since Caucasian People are incapable of relating to characters that aren’t also Caucasian besides Will Smith, this problem with persist.

It’s far too easy to write this issue off as racism. That word is far too small to cover such a large issue. Resentment seems more fitting. According to the people that run Hollywood, a man with the looks and girth of a Seth Rogen or a Jonah Hill is far more attractive and desirable to women than a man with the looks and muscle tone of a Will Smith or Denzel Washington could ever dream to be.

Also, according to Hollywood, all attractive Caucasian Females are extremely thin, usually blonde and under the age of 30 while Halle Berry (who is 43 this year) is the only attractive Black Female on the entire planet (women like Gabrielle Union and Naomi Harris are far too dark be considered attractive), so the chances of Hollywood producing a film in which a Black Couple are the main characters, save the world, and survive to live happily ever after seems anemic at best.

So until the day that Black People take over Hollywood, studio executives will continue to employ the “Friends” mentality of See No Black People, Hear No Black People (unless they are about to die a horrible death).

#48. Friday

fridayIt is common knowledge that no feature film with a cast made up mostly of Black People will ever win an Oscar. Steven Spielberg directed The Color Purple and the Academy couldn’t even give that film one single win out of seven nominations.

But if there is one film that Black People wish had won the Academy Award for Best Picture, it’s “Friday”.

Friday is perhaps the single greatest movie ever made according to the Black Community, even topping Scarface in most circles. This film embodies nearly every aspect of an authentic Black American living experience. Unemployment, alcohol, cannabis, the hood, stereotypes, drug dealers, racism, gang shootings, cereal, a rapper trying to act, women with big butts, and the Black Main Character actually gets the girl in the end (unlike most Denzel Washington and Will Smith movies).

If you are not a Black Person and you intend on interacting with Black People on a regular basis, you must watch Friday and you must not only enjoy it, but publicly state verbally or on the Internet that it is one of the single greatest movies ever made. Otherwise you may as well just wear a white sheet over your head and have a swastika tattooed onto your body. Saying that you hate Friday will result in the exact same reaction in Black People.